Do Dreams Mean Anything?

I had some weird dreams last night.

One of them was a recurring nightmare that I have had since I graduated from university.  I have it at least twice a month.  I dream that it is a month before final exams and I completely forgot about a calculus class that I was enrolled in but never attended, like ever.  Never handed one assignment, never wrote any mid-terms, nothing.  Naturally, I panic and then I wake up in a sweat.  It is then that I realize that I have graduated from school already.  This dream scares me the most because my family was very dependent on me graduating and getting a good job to help out.  So not graduating would have been an absolute disaster.  Thankfully I did graduate and have a job that I absolutely love.

The next dream I had dealt with my future.  I dreamed that I finally achieved my goal of being able to send my parents into retirement while at the same time buying a home for myself and my wife, who I never see in the dream, but others refer to her in the dream.  So at least I’m not pathetic in my dreams too!  My siblings still looked the same and were still living with my parents, who also looked as they do now.  Waking up from that dream and realizing that I was still single and lived with my parents kinda sucked.  Those dreams I classify as being really mean dreams and can be just as bad as nightmares.  It’s like a picture of someone life that is better than yours, enjoy it, enjoy it and then byebye!

The next dream I had, ya I didn’t sleep many hours in a row last night, dealt with me witnessing a crime by the mob and then having them chase me.  Only, I could only run in slow motion.  No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t move any faster.  And although they shot like a thousand bullets in my direction, I never got hit.  So I just kept running and running and running trying to go faster and faster and faster but still couldn’t, only slo-mo.  The dream ended when I got winded and I turned around to see these guys, but they weren’t there anymore and the dream completely changed into something else.  A girl I knew was drowning in a lake.  And in my dream she could swim, I don’t know if she can or not in real life, but in the dream she could, but she was perfectly content on drowning herself.  So I jumped in the lake to save her from herself.  After I pull her out, I was like WTF!! but before she could respond I ended up waking up again.

I don’t believe in interpreting dreams to actually mean anything, but I’m always interested in people’s interpretations.  Just for the record, I did contact the girl to see if she was OK, just to be sure she wasn’t going through some stuff and she seemed to be alright.  If you have any suggestions to any of the above lemme know.

The Internet

I don’t know how people sleep at night.  I am referring to that asshole that ran that beijingticketing.com website that scammed all those people out of probably millions of dollars.  And he didn’t just scam regular people like you and I, he scammed the families of the athletes too.  Imagine being a parent of an amateur athlete and having him reach that Olympic level and then not be able to see him/her perform.  To not be able to see him/her enter the stadium during the opening ceremonies.  What a fucking asshole.  I hope they catch this guy, and I’m pretty sure it will end up being a guy.  When they catch him, they shouldn’t treat it as fraud either.  It should be treated as murder as he killed the dreams of many people and worst of all the parents of those athletes and even the athletes themselves who after they perform will not be able to look up into the stands and see their loved ones.

The internet has brought about some really awesome stuff, but unfortunately it also brought about some new kind of fuck-up like the one mentioned above and all those porn loving perves and worse, child porn loving perves that are able to get away with it much more easily now then in the past.

I mean the internet has even eliminated our ability to communicate with each other.  I am a shy guy to begin with, but now, talking to a ‘real’ girl is even harder.  I am not even talking about trying to hook-up or meet a  girl I mean even when we hire a new secretary, it takes me a few days just to approach her, and thats if she’s normal looking.  If she’s pretty, forget about it.  I read an article a few months ago where they surveyed and conducted an experiment (and don’t ask me how) where they had a bunch of college males in US and tested how … ummm … they were able to perform, sexually.  I think the rate was like only 50% could get it up with a ‘real’ girl in the room and those that could, couldn’t perform for very long.  Good ol’ internet porn!!  The reasoning was, well the girls in porn are prettier and you have a wider selection.

As I understand it the internet was first created as a military tool for the US Army and although I spend way too much time on it, I sometimes wonder if the world would have better off if it was left that way.

$20M to stay home?, HELLS YEAH!!

Brett, oh Brett. Do the right thing.

First you retire so you can spend time at home with your wife and kids. You are still relatively young and have plenty of dough to retire on. Then for some unknown reason you decide that you want to come back. Well people say it’s unknown, but I know the truth: God, my kids are annoying!!

So what do you do, you go back to where you were an absolute hero to try and get your swagger back instead of playing piggy back. They worshiped the ground you walked on in Green Bay. You figured you could go back there and everything would be perfect again. WRONG!!! After years and years of your blood, sweat and tears and never ever missing a day at work they forget about you in a matter of weeks and hire some guy with no experience to do your job. To make things even better, they vilify you in the media because you want to come back and work. After your ex-employer misjudges the public reaction and your true intentions of really just wanting to work again, they have the audacity to offer you $20M to stay away.

Dude, I know, it’s not all about the money and kids can be annoying, but you retired a living legend in good health and have already retired and they are giving you a $20M bonus on top of that.

Don’t be another dumb jock, FUCK THEM and take the sweet, sweet $$$$.

Batman: The Dark Knight

I finally went and saw Batman last night. When a movie is a huge blockbuster like this one, I usually wait until all of hype has died down and usually I come out of the movie a little disappointed. So not the case here! The only thing that disappointed me was remembering that Heath Ledger died and he was not going to be Joker in a sequel. I’ll be honest and say that I was not a fan of him being Joker in the first place. I thought Jack Nicholson was perfect and they should have left it at that and if they weren’t, then I thought Joaquin Phoenix should have been cast in the role. I am glad to say I was wrong.

I am also glad for his sake that got to play this role before he died and he will be remembered as Joker and NOT the gay cowboy!

Aside from him though, I thought the movie was good, I thought Harvey/Two-Face was good too. It sucked that the Dawson Creek’s chick did not come back for her role (Stupid Tom Cruise) but her replacement did an good job but they tried to make her sexy, especially when she was interrogating Joker, but she couldn’t quite pull it off.

As for the movie as a whole, it was totally awesome, good balance of plot, action and romance.  If you get the chance to go see it, definitely go.

You’ve been warned

I know I haven’t posted for like a week but it hasn’t been because nothing exciting hasn’t happened or my PC doesn’t work but rather I am so addicted to this online tennis game. If you like tennis and video games then you will love this little online game. You can find it by googling ‘free online tennis game’ and it will be the first one there.

You Fake!

The inspection and testing department hired a new technician this month and it turns out he is a Muslim Arab from Iraq.  I saw him around the office and the next thing I know this guy is hanging around in my office while I am trying to get my work done.  I am very ambitious and as such I never turn down therefore making me busy all day.

So this guy comes in and starts up the chatter.  At first I was OK with it, I mean I am not an ass.  We introduced ourselves to each other and so on, but then he ended up sitting in my office.  I was like dude kinda busy here, but nothing.  He is new to Hamilton and was wondering what there was to do here.  I was like sorry man, right now I have a one track mind and that’s work, wrong guy to ask.  I usually spend most of my nights at home doing whatever there.  So he answers with oh, uh, ya me too.  He played off this really wholesome image.  Using religious terms and quotes and such.  The next question was about clubbing and where are the hot spots around here.  Hmm.  This was then followed by him asking me how many girls, or broads as he put it, have I slept with, were they white, Arabs, Spanish, etc.  He then went on to tell about his encounters.  It bears noting here that I never asked him about his sleeping habits and, FYI, for those who read my posts,  I don’t care who you sleep with.  That’s shit you can keep to yourself.

Since my treatments were over I feel like I am on second wind here and have decided to change a few things in my life and take some more chances.  I don’t have many Arab friends.  There is no real reason why, I just don’t.  So as a new thing I thought I would make an effort to make new Arab friends and thought well, here’s a good start.  We already work together, different department, but still.  I was told by the few Arabs friends that I have that I should be careful when meeting Arabs as they are, umm, I believe the term was “soooo FUCKING FAKE!!”.  After spending like 10 minutes with this guy.  Ya, I’d say so. 

The thing that kills me more than anything is not the fact that he was fake.  It’s the fact that my friends were right.  That Arabs are fake.  In addition to this tool, we have one client whose name is Muhammad.  The most popular name in the world.  You know what he goes by.  Terry.  Terry!!  What the Fuck!  That’s not even close!!  Not Mo or Moe or whatever.  TERRY!!  I take pride in being an Arab.  I mean I don’t have the Palestinian flag tattooed all over me or anything, but I don’t hide it either and unless its a really close friend, they use my full name.  I learned your stupid white people names, you can learn mine. 

Arabs.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat Hamilton!!

Last Saturday I given free tickets to a Ti-Cat game here in Hamilton as a reward for finishing up my treatments. For those of you who don’t know, the Tiger Cats are Hamilton’s football team in the CFL (Canadian Football League). I usually don’t go to any games, it’s not that I don’t like football, but the stadium is in a really sketch part of the city so I kinda avoid it if I can. Plus Canadian football drives me nuts, the coaches do not take enough risks in my view and a potentially awesome game can be boring.

Anyways, I was born in Hamilton, raised in Hamilton, educated in Hamilton, the whole nine yards so I always defend it against others who put it down (you hear me Burlington!! Fuck You!!). But after going to the game on Saturday, I understand why people put it down. I was surrounded by the most disgusting people I have seen ever in my life. Gross. Just gross. Thank God it rained that day because that was the closest thing these people got to a shower. Had I known I going to be surrounded by such filth, I wouldn’t have watched to the game but I would have used my ticket to get to the upper deck and spray soap onto them when it was raining so these people could be introduced the concept of showering.

The only thing more disturbing than their appearance and odour was the filth that was coming out of their mouths and I’m not just talking about the teenagers and adults, I mean little kids too. And the mascot. I swear this guy is a rapist. He is all over any female between the ages of 13 and 18. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Groping them and everything. People just laughing and taking pictures with this guy.

The game was an afternoon game so it ended in the early evening and on drive away from the stadium we saw 4 hookers, hooking, like in the middle of a pick-up. One guy had his child with him.

In one freakin’ night my faith in Hamilton was shattered and it looks like I am going to be another one of ‘those people’ that goes to Burlington and says, “Look at me I made it out of Hamilton!!” (even though its like a 10 minute drive out of the city on the QEW)

Zero!!!

It’s finally over!! Twelve grueling months of chemotherapy. I was told by my doctor that 12 months is second longest stint he has ever prescribed. One other guy needed 16 months, but my dosage was much higher than his, so the way I see it, I win.

Throughout the course of my treatment I had mixed reactions. Some people thought I was brave for carrying on as normal as I could given the condition I was in, while others took the extreme opposite and shunt me away like I was some kind of plague, like if they shook my hand, they would somehow get a brain tumour too. Idiots. I did learn a lot however throughout this whole ordeal. One of the most important things I learned was who my real friends were. I didn’t have many friends to begin with, I mean if you include those from my graduating class it would only be a total of 10 people. I used to be on Facebook and my total friends list was maxed out at one point at 22 people. I’m 29 years old and I only had 22 people on my Facebook. The reason for that is another discussion for another day, but I realized that out of the small group that I called friends, even fewer true friends that I can really count on to be there for me no matter what.

Throughout my treatment they wanted me to talk to a councilor or therapist. You see when went in for my monthly check-ups they would look at me and be puzzled as to how lightly I was taking the situation. But the truth of it is I was very fortunate. The tumour was in a good part of my brain, relatively easy operation and the treatment afterward was a week of pills at the start of each month. Not to mention that my family was extremely supportive and the few true friends that I have were unreal, my one friend picked me up every morning and drove me to work and then drove me home after work. I work with this friend, but she doesn’t exactly live around the corner.

The pills I was taking were brutal from time to time, I’m not going to lie, but I didn’t suffer like most cancer patients do. Not even close. When I was in the cancer clinic I would feel so guilty that I was so lucky and others weren’t. Sometimes I would see a little kid that was balding from his chemo and that memory, it just sticks with you.

I never did go see a councilor, I didn’t feel the need for it and still don’t really. I was actually kind of surprised when the doctors told me that I was too ‘relaxed’ with the situation. Well, I just figured panicking and worrying about it is not going to get me anywhere and whatever happens, happens.

To be 100% honest with everyone, the most difficult aspects of the illness was the burden I placed on my family on friends. When I was I first diagnosed, my dad was in the room. I usually look at the ground when I’m talking to a doctor but this time my eyes were locked on him and when he heard those words. That hurt. Mama wasn’t even in the country when I was diagnosed. She was visiting my grandmother (who still doesn’t know, we figured it would be better) in DC. You want to talk about a hard phone call. That one hurt. She tried to come home right away but I was diagnosed in February/March 2007 and for those that remember we had a nasty snow storm on the east side here and everything was shut down, planes, trains even buses. It took a week for her to come home. She ended up staying at some strangers house in New York City. Her trip home is also another story for another day. But when she finally came, I know for a fact she was destroyed on in the inside, you see I’m the first born, therefore the favorite. But she put on the bravest front ever. Being even more of a burden, my tumour presented itself via a seizure. Some medical talk there for ya And everyone knows, once you have a seizure, no more driving. So now, I am not only worrying them due to the BRAIN CANCER, but they have to drive me everywhere. And you know you’re the shiznit when your 29 and your moms drops you off at the mall!

Anyways, I don’t know how to end this post except to say I am glad that it is over and I would not change a thing. I know I put my family through a lot and I was burden and the chemo did suck at times, but I think my family, everyone I value around me and I are better off for this experience.

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